Search

Well, i have recently start to relook at how I am doing and what am I doing. I was lucky to have spoken to a few more experienced people in the field of what I am doing. Social start ups and founders of these organisations in Singapore. Also experienced people who have been diligently doing their due in the world of youth and volunteerism as managers or executives. And not to forget to hear out those who think things are not as easy as it seems. People who have tried to walk the talk but did not make it.

I call this stage of my life "Search". I am fortunate that one of my mentor organisation has took me in and gave me a temp job. There, I have and still am learning alot about managing the daily operations of an organisation. This also gave me a chance to think through what I am doing now as well. My cash flow is running low. My relationships has been strained. Support in what I am doing has slowly been reduced. Many eyes are looking at me and thoughts of "Let's see how long can he survive" has been coming from many, both directly and indirectly.

Suddenly, I am starting to doubt my capability. My low self-esteem slowly started to take on the better of me. I am trying very hard to find what I am good at doing. What is/are my strength/s. Can I bring the organisation to the next height? What does it take to be the "leader" of the organisation? Do I have the necessary knowledge?

I toned myself down and focused on the existing projects that i am dealing and try to brush it up. There are loads of projects but it is still managable. I am glad I have volunteer teams to do it. I just need to be there to motivate them and bring in contacts for them in to move further. To bring out the best in them.

While doing the earlier stated, I'll continue to search for my strength, if any. and polish it so that I can bring the projects that are under my care to greater heights. Even the organisation. I need to also look at my personal intellectual grooming. I slowly found that I like to know more about political and social sciences as well as econs. People around my age have already finished their degree program and I have not even start yet. Not that I care about the certificate, but the training they have on the program of the topics that I am interested seems to be very useful and be able to help sharpen their thinking on current affairs issues. At least that is what I think. Sadly, no local university is willing to accept a D grade student like myself so I guess I have to learn by reading up books on my own.